Juhani and Belaya
by chapellefan
Summary: On the remains of Dantooine, two childhood friends reconcile in order to find out what they truly mean to each other. Post KotOR I, Femslash, LSMRevan.


(**Disclaimer: **I do not own or claim to own Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is copyrighted to LucasArts Entertainment as well as Bioware. Please support the official release.

**A/N:** Okay, I know there are a million people wanting to misinterpret this, so here it goes. First of all, based on my research, it's never really clear if Belaya died or not in Kotor 1. Most people would assume that she was one of the captives on the Star Forge, but on Wookiepedia, it's never really explained. So it's quite possible that she not only escaped the Sith bombardment of Dantooine, but also avoided capture. Since this is set before the Jedi met on Katarr, I omitted that. As for Juhani being a Cathar, I think their biological systems are similar enough to humans so that they can be considered partners. Still, it's fanfiction, meaning if you don't like it, you don't have to read it.

Enjoy.)

**Juhani and Belaya**

In a way, Juhani felt glad to have been rejected. The sun had risen, revealing a planet in chaos rather than in healing. As she sat on what little remained on Dantooine, with craters rivaling the Ebon Hawk, she waited outside the remains of the Jedi Enclave. While her master and Bastila were still debating with the Jedi council, she shifted her feet anxiously and heard how silent the planet was after the Sith bombardment. However, she did her best to meditate on her feelings, her newfound urges until someone familiar appeared before her.

"Juhani!" Her friend called her. When she saw amber hair tied in the back, Juhani immediately rushed over and hugged her friend.

"Belaya. Thank the Force that you are alright. When I had heard that the Sith had attacked the Enclave, I had feared the worst."

The other Padawan sighed and looked to the side. "Sadly, no. Master Zhar had sent me on a mission to a far off planet near the mid-rim. I had protested that I was needed here to protect the Enclave, but he ordered me to depart at once. I know now that he was protecting me from the Sith attack to come. Why he didn't tell the others, I shall never know"

"You should be grateful that you are still alive, Belaya. Master Zhar did what he believed best in his judgment."

It was then the Human Padawan snapped. "Why? So I can go on living, rebuilding a broken republic? So I can see all I have trained for, all I have strived for vanish and disappear? I-"

Belaya then realized that her harsh words struck harder than she believed. She quickly turned to the side and recited the Jedi code, and took deep breaths.

"I'm… sorry, Juhani. I still obviously have a long way to go, even if my training will no doubt remain incomplete."

"Belaya…" Juhani whispered to herself. She quickly moved to a nearby wall of the administration building and motioned to her friend. "Please come here for a moment."

Hidden behind the large shadow of Khoonda, Juhani stood in silence for a brief moment, unsure how to express the extent of her feelings. Finally, she mustered up the courage and began to speak, hoping her companion would understand.

"When I was away on my travels, I had… missed you. I had ignored these feelings, these urges at first but as time went on, these feelings kept growing."

Belaya interrupted her. "Such feelings are normal for a Padawan. What's important is that we control these-"

Juhani nearly lost her temper but luckily held her patience. "Please, Belaya. The sooner I admit this, the easier it will become. I… care for you. I care for you than what is expected from a normal companion. I wanted to deny this, but after all I have been through, I realize I cannot. I… I love you."

For the longest time, Juhani's companion remained silent. She looked towards the dawn and held her arms, as if sudden chill had swept the air. Juhani desperately wanted to see how her friend was doing, but decided to give Belaya time to process this information. Finally, her friend turned back and looked Juhani in the eye.

"Thank you for telling me these feelings. But I cannot accept them."

Juhani was not surprised; a life of despair had taught her that. The pain she felt in her heart was that similar to her parents' death, hearing about the destruction of Taris and believing she had slain master Quatra. For a brief moment, she felt content with this heart break. It was something she had prepared for all her life. However, a voice inside of her, a male voice, told her to persist, to find out why. Juhani, for once, gave into her instincts and turned to her friend.

"Is it because of my species?" She asked honestly. Despite the collected teachings of the Jedi Enclave, much of the galaxy still had a negative view of the Cathar.

"No, I have never considered your race any factor in our friendship, and I will not start now."

Juhani felt both disappointment and relief. She felt glad that Belaya was able to put aside Juhani's appearance as a sign of dismissal, but at the same time, she was unable to understand Belaya's feelings on the matter. Slowly, she began to ask more questions on the matter.

"Then you only feel friendship for me, correct?"

Belaya stared Juhani straight in the eye. "I… cannot lie to you. It would be against our teachings. Juhani… I do care for you. I do harbor feelings beyond companionship for you. I guess, I love you as well."

The Cathar female needed an answer. "So then why-"

"Because it goes against our code, Juhani. There are so few of us left… I fear our teachings will disappear. Upset as I am about all of this, I do not want the Jedi Order to become extinct."

"Belaya…" Juhani whispered. She had suspected as much. The moments she had thought of could have been considered trivial, fleeting examples of intimacy. At times, when they would gaze upon the stars together, she could feel Belaya's soft hand wrapping around hers. Other times, a hug that lasted longer than it should have stirred confused feelings. One could easily dismiss such actions as pure friendship, but now the young Cathar knew that was not the case. Before, she would have run. She would have avoided this situation altogether. However, one person's words echoed through her mind.

"_Remember, Juhani. Never take that first 'no' as an answer." Her master told her. "Otherwise, I would've given up on this one a long time ago."_

"_Revan!" Bastila scolded._

Mustering up her confidence, she leaned towards her companion. "Belaya, I have learned many things on my travels. But most of all, I know this; Love is not a path to the dark side. While it can stir feelings that can lead to the dark side, in the end, Love is worth it."

Her long time friend stared at her. "I don't want to believe you. Yet somehow, you speak the truth. How do you know this, Juhani?"

The Cathar could not help but be silent for a few moments. "Because my master not only saved the galaxy, but he saved the one he loved."

"Juhani…" Belaya, for the first time in her youth, felt a loss for words. They both gazed upon each other as one would continually gaze on the beauty of the stars. Slowly, they walked towards each other and shared one, powerful, passionate and forbidden kiss. When they finally parted for air, they leaned against each other.

"Juhani, promise me that if I fall, you will save me."

"I promise." And they stood still as did the galaxy.


End file.
